Jan. 17th, 2008

time

Jan. 17th, 2008 12:16 am
notesinblue: (profile)
in twelve hours i will be in the courthouse facing down one of the most agonizing events of my life: my divorce. it's taken a long time to get here. fifteen months since i left. eleven since divorce was proposed. eight since we filed. five since i hired the lawyer and we had our first temporary orders hearing. one since our last hearing. can't believe it's taken this long to get to final orders. and even after all this time, will it actually be over tomorrow? will i finally be free? i want to believe i will be, but my gut tells me there will be more.

i'm trying to be strong, to not be afraid. the anxiety is intensified knowing that i'll have to hear the queen of wands spout slander about me, as with the emperor himself and his puppet. then there is taking the stand myself and undergoing the bombardment from the emperor's morally bankrupt sleazeball lawyer. i never really got lawyer jokes until i met this man. waste of carbon doesn't cover it. more like the corruption and defilement of carbon.

i'm worried about the settlement. i'm worried i'll lose. everyone else seems so damn sure, beyond optimistic, and i'm trying to see it, but i don't. i'm worried that all this pain and suffering will be for nothing. but i can't afford to think like that. i need to relax. to believe. to believe in myself, my decisions, my attorney, and the law. to believe that no matter what happens tomorrow i will survive it and i will continue to go forward. to believe in my own strength, resilience, and power. and to believe that not only can i do this, but that i can do it and succeed. because i have to.

there is no sense in worrying about the inevitable. tomorrow will come, and i will go to court, and it will be awful, and i will come home. that's that. nothing more, nothing less. and if i'm very very lucky i will get my ruling swiftly and it will be favorable. right now i just need to breathe in, and breathe out. in, and out. and to try my best to fall asleep. when i wake up i'll be in the thick of it. and this time tomorrow it will be another bad day behind me instead of in front of me.

i can do this. i am able to do this. i am capable of doing this. and i will do this.
because it's time to do this. and i am ready.

it's time to end the emperor's long reign.

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notesinblue

January 2013

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