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Jun. 30th, 2008 02:07 am
notesinblue: (pensive)
[personal profile] notesinblue
why is it that you can miss someone you haven't seen in years after they die? are you missing them, or the pure essence of them? is it the knowledge that all those coffee dates you promised one another will remain forever unrealized? or is it something deeper? could it be the realization that you never intended to keep any of those dates, and even if you had that you would not have said what was really important: even though you aren't part of my life, nor me yours, you are dear to me.

except i said that, albeit several months, possibly years ago. in my case it's the loss of what she represented that i mourn most. i've taken heart from her strength. so many times i felt overwhelmed, like giving up, and i thought of her tenacity and i found the will to carry on. but she lost her fight. and part of me feels like all my faith, and all her courage, strength, and positive thinking, didn't change a damn thing. she's dead and the world is a darker place for it. and while i try to honor her spirit by staying positive i feel dark inside. i don't want to live in a world where all of that means nothing and the most cheerful woman i've ever known dies of cancer while her true love is left holding her lifeless hand.
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