notesinblue (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notesinblue) wrote2006-05-25 04:07 pm
notesinblue) wrote2006-05-25 04:07 pm
Entry tags:
letter from my mother
"Yesterday I cleaned out more boxes from the attic. I went through your baby clothes and just saved a few really special things that I remember you in. I also found a tooth and lots of special homemade cards from you. It seemed like it was only yesterday that you wore those tiny things and made those cards.
The love I feel for you is so pure, so special. The love never tarnishes or fades but burns bright from the first moment you look into the depths of your baby's eyes right into their soul. So Kid, even though you're now grown up I love you just as much as ever. It's for the experience of such pure innocent love that I'd like you to someday (when you are ready) have your own child. So don't think I'm pressuring you. That's not what this is about. It would just be something I'd love for you to experience for yourself when you're ready."
it might have been a nice letter if i hadn't told her the day before that my separation is final and my marriage of ten years is really and truly over. or that i didn't want to have children because of numerous personal reasons, all of which i've told her. or if she listened, really listened, to a single word i ever said.
and now, today, i'm sitting next to the emperor, talking about his class on sexuality and he mentions that it makes him think about his would be girlfriend, S, but not me. why? because "it's not like we were ever going to have sex again, or have children". he seems to think the first part was all my call. he seems to think a lot of stupid things. he also said what happened with him and S was his fault, the implication being that what happened between he and i was mine. the real kick in the pants though is he has always said he never wanted to have children. but now what i think he really meant was he didn't want to have them with me.
The love I feel for you is so pure, so special. The love never tarnishes or fades but burns bright from the first moment you look into the depths of your baby's eyes right into their soul. So Kid, even though you're now grown up I love you just as much as ever. It's for the experience of such pure innocent love that I'd like you to someday (when you are ready) have your own child. So don't think I'm pressuring you. That's not what this is about. It would just be something I'd love for you to experience for yourself when you're ready."
it might have been a nice letter if i hadn't told her the day before that my separation is final and my marriage of ten years is really and truly over. or that i didn't want to have children because of numerous personal reasons, all of which i've told her. or if she listened, really listened, to a single word i ever said.
and now, today, i'm sitting next to the emperor, talking about his class on sexuality and he mentions that it makes him think about his would be girlfriend, S, but not me. why? because "it's not like we were ever going to have sex again, or have children". he seems to think the first part was all my call. he seems to think a lot of stupid things. he also said what happened with him and S was his fault, the implication being that what happened between he and i was mine. the real kick in the pants though is he has always said he never wanted to have children. but now what i think he really meant was he didn't want to have them with me.
b2jho1fg
(Anonymous) 2017-01-21 07:44 am (UTC)(link)