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this entry was originally one line
Oct. 5th, 2006 04:04 am+
i got called Sir at the grocery store.
Timberline is open.
Lost.
-
i have no time to watch Lost.
i have no time to write.
i have. no. time.
all i want to do is kick back, watch more Lost, make a few choice icons, play some WoW, hang out with my friends, maybe go for a long drive, and then sleep deep and long. i don't want to go to work. and i really don't want to write my play. especially not during the few hours of free time i have, and when i want to be gearing up for nano. fuck this. i'm in a good mood, happy, when i'm not thinking about what i need to be doing, what i'm putting off. it makes me angry. i resent it. i resent work. i resent bills and money. and i resent playwriting. and you know what i secretly resent most of all? the emperor for giving me a beautiful life then taking it all away. i can't help but feel like maybe it wouldn't all be so hard if i hadn't been so blessed before.
i'm angry. at him. at the prince. at the world as a whole. even at myself. i'm pissed off. you hear me world? i'm mad as hell and i'm not gonna take it anymore! at least...that's what i wish i could say. that's what i wish we could all say. but we can't. i can't. so i set my alarm, try to ignore the anxious flopping in my stomach every time i realize my play is due and unwritten, and get a few hours of bad sleep before rushing off to punch the clock and ignore my responsibilities. rinse repeat.
so i'm going to try and focus on my trip home from work as i lay in bed and drift off. how the clerk handed me my receipt and said, "Have a good night sir...err...uh...ma'am". how gloriously smooth and empty Timberline was as i hooted and hollered out my window in celebration of its open lanes. how some dialogue, a quirky smile, a jungle encounter, all took me to a place far far away for a time. to a place where there is no work, no school, no guilt trips on voicemail, no bills, and no deadlines. a better place even as monsters and death stalk through the trees. a place where the simple things matter and time has lost her meaning.
i want to be stuck on a deserted island.
i'd even give up cookies.
i got called Sir at the grocery store.
Timberline is open.
Lost.
-
i have no time to watch Lost.
i have no time to write.
i have. no. time.
all i want to do is kick back, watch more Lost, make a few choice icons, play some WoW, hang out with my friends, maybe go for a long drive, and then sleep deep and long. i don't want to go to work. and i really don't want to write my play. especially not during the few hours of free time i have, and when i want to be gearing up for nano. fuck this. i'm in a good mood, happy, when i'm not thinking about what i need to be doing, what i'm putting off. it makes me angry. i resent it. i resent work. i resent bills and money. and i resent playwriting. and you know what i secretly resent most of all? the emperor for giving me a beautiful life then taking it all away. i can't help but feel like maybe it wouldn't all be so hard if i hadn't been so blessed before.
i'm angry. at him. at the prince. at the world as a whole. even at myself. i'm pissed off. you hear me world? i'm mad as hell and i'm not gonna take it anymore! at least...that's what i wish i could say. that's what i wish we could all say. but we can't. i can't. so i set my alarm, try to ignore the anxious flopping in my stomach every time i realize my play is due and unwritten, and get a few hours of bad sleep before rushing off to punch the clock and ignore my responsibilities. rinse repeat.
so i'm going to try and focus on my trip home from work as i lay in bed and drift off. how the clerk handed me my receipt and said, "Have a good night sir...err...uh...ma'am". how gloriously smooth and empty Timberline was as i hooted and hollered out my window in celebration of its open lanes. how some dialogue, a quirky smile, a jungle encounter, all took me to a place far far away for a time. to a place where there is no work, no school, no guilt trips on voicemail, no bills, and no deadlines. a better place even as monsters and death stalk through the trees. a place where the simple things matter and time has lost her meaning.
i want to be stuck on a deserted island.
i'd even give up cookies.
