missing: tweed

i think i lost my tweed hat. i can't find it anywhere and i can't remember the last place i had it. i'm really really upset about it. far more than i should be considering it's just a thing. it's just that...it's very special to me. i hope it turns up. the sick feeling in my stomach is awful. i had forgotten how upsetting it is to lose an object that's dear to you. i've been too busy living in the middle of losing people, places, and ideas. i'm tired of losing things. i'm tired of grieving.

i want to feel whole again.

the wind is blowing so hard that it just blew open my window. it scared the crap out of me and knocked down a candleholder. i'm lucky it didn't shatter. i'm also lucky it didn't fall on me. i'm especially lucky i held off on lighting my tealights in lieu of lamplight so i could better search for my hat. i suppose hot wax all over my pillow would have been no fun. still, i'd rather have my hat.