lost

"Excuse me sir i would like to leave the ride.
Too many emergencies this time.
I forgot, i forgot all this, all the trouble at my fingertips.
Too many emergencies this time."
- Hot Chip

grief is hell. people keep saying that i'll stop being depressed soon, and that i'll be angry instead. as much as i'd like to avoid being angry, i'd prefer it to this. he's called three times in the past three days. every time i look at the phone and see his name there i experience a thrill of terror. yet i miss him. how can you miss someone and dread the thought of seeing them at the same time? i feel insane. depressed. stressed. i feel wretched in a thousand and one ways. i have my first meeting with the campus shrink tomorrow. i'm nervous, but everything makes me nervous these days. everything. it's beginning to snow. i wish it was sunny. i wish my life was sunnier. i just keep thinking 'i want to go home'. the only problem is, there's no such place.