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turning point
Aug. 18th, 2007 11:54 pmi haven't talked about my court date because i haven't wanted to relive it. it was painful and i left feeling assaulted. the emperor's accusations came out of his lawyer's mouth and slapped me in the face. it was horrific. but i'm trying to put it behind me. now i'm feeling anxiety because i have to go pick up the items awarded to me from the house. i wish i had asked for nothing so that i wouldn't have to go there and see him. i hate the idea. i wish i could just go get what i wanted without seeing him. i don't want to see him. not ever again.
that thought used to stun me and make me weep. now it just makes me feel tired. i think i'm getting closer to the acceptance phase of this whole grieving process. now i just need to concentrate on healing the wounds of abuse. but i feel like it's possible now. i feel like i'm making a better life than the one i left, even if i've lost so much.
the past year has been all about losing things. i've lost so much, more than some people ever ever have. a husband, numerous friends, a home, security, pets, and worst yet faith and love. but i feel like now i'm transitioning into a time where i'm taking some of those things back. i'm reclaiming things and replacing others. i'm going to get some of my property back, as well as some security. i'm remaking a home here, and no longer feel like a guest. i'm bonded with my surviving pet in a way i never imagined possible. i'm rekindling faded friendships and forging new ones. i'm reunited with my real family. i'm reengaging with my life. i'm opening doors to make up for the ones that were closed.
this is the point i've been waiting to reach. this is the turning point. things aren't great yet. there's still a long way to go, and plenty of hardships. but i feel like i'm on the upswing finally. from here on out things will get better. the bottom is behind me and from here on out i'm building instead of tearing down. from here on out my life will be my own. and that's something i've never had.
that thought used to stun me and make me weep. now it just makes me feel tired. i think i'm getting closer to the acceptance phase of this whole grieving process. now i just need to concentrate on healing the wounds of abuse. but i feel like it's possible now. i feel like i'm making a better life than the one i left, even if i've lost so much.
the past year has been all about losing things. i've lost so much, more than some people ever ever have. a husband, numerous friends, a home, security, pets, and worst yet faith and love. but i feel like now i'm transitioning into a time where i'm taking some of those things back. i'm reclaiming things and replacing others. i'm going to get some of my property back, as well as some security. i'm remaking a home here, and no longer feel like a guest. i'm bonded with my surviving pet in a way i never imagined possible. i'm rekindling faded friendships and forging new ones. i'm reunited with my real family. i'm reengaging with my life. i'm opening doors to make up for the ones that were closed.
this is the point i've been waiting to reach. this is the turning point. things aren't great yet. there's still a long way to go, and plenty of hardships. but i feel like i'm on the upswing finally. from here on out things will get better. the bottom is behind me and from here on out i'm building instead of tearing down. from here on out my life will be my own. and that's something i've never had.
