it's suddenly hilarious...
Feb. 23rd, 2007 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
notesinblueah. i see. i thought as much, but it's always nice to have a confirmation, such as it is. as i said earlier, it's what isn't said that sometimes says the most. all this time i've been listening to what was said instead of what wasn't. silly me.
and to think i actually wanted to know the response. to think i actually expended the energy on giving two shits when a genuine reply hasn't been uttered in months. to think i really truly cared. it suddenly seems absurd.
i was going to write a letter. try to express myself. do all of that opening up i was accused of not doing. but why bother, really, when we both know it's a moot point. i'm not even going to write the angry letter i composed in my head over the hours. you might mistake this for said letter, but rest assured, it is not. while this composition lingers on the aggressive side, it's far from the scathing response it could be.
in short, i wanted you to know that i get it. really. even though you won't do me the courtesy of telling me. i get it. i'm not thick. i've just been moonlighting as an optimist. i can allow people to think they're clever by pretending i don't see them with their hand in the cookie jar, so long as it makes them feel better. i can overlook things. i can let things slide. a lot of things. more than you know. that is, if i care. especially if i love. which i did. notice the past tense, because really, that's what it's come to.
it's not like i'm surprised. far from it. i've seen this coming for a long long time. longer than you would guess. and i did try to stop it, whether you believe it or not. and when it became clear i couldn't, i tried to steel myself against it. i won't say it didn't hurt, because it did. it hurt like hell. but again with the past tense. after today i find myself surprised by how my emotions have changed. i find myself feeling light. lighter still as i reach the bottom of this. after all, if i've learned one thing from you it's how to walk away. how to let go. so here i am, letting you go. and you're welcome by the way, because we both know i'm doing you a favor by being the one to say what needs to be said.
*stops listening to the words, reflects on the silence, and takes a final hint*
and to think i actually wanted to know the response. to think i actually expended the energy on giving two shits when a genuine reply hasn't been uttered in months. to think i really truly cared. it suddenly seems absurd.
i was going to write a letter. try to express myself. do all of that opening up i was accused of not doing. but why bother, really, when we both know it's a moot point. i'm not even going to write the angry letter i composed in my head over the hours. you might mistake this for said letter, but rest assured, it is not. while this composition lingers on the aggressive side, it's far from the scathing response it could be.
in short, i wanted you to know that i get it. really. even though you won't do me the courtesy of telling me. i get it. i'm not thick. i've just been moonlighting as an optimist. i can allow people to think they're clever by pretending i don't see them with their hand in the cookie jar, so long as it makes them feel better. i can overlook things. i can let things slide. a lot of things. more than you know. that is, if i care. especially if i love. which i did. notice the past tense, because really, that's what it's come to.
it's not like i'm surprised. far from it. i've seen this coming for a long long time. longer than you would guess. and i did try to stop it, whether you believe it or not. and when it became clear i couldn't, i tried to steel myself against it. i won't say it didn't hurt, because it did. it hurt like hell. but again with the past tense. after today i find myself surprised by how my emotions have changed. i find myself feeling light. lighter still as i reach the bottom of this. after all, if i've learned one thing from you it's how to walk away. how to let go. so here i am, letting you go. and you're welcome by the way, because we both know i'm doing you a favor by being the one to say what needs to be said.
*stops listening to the words, reflects on the silence, and takes a final hint*
