fearless

the emperor has flown away to far off lands and the princess of cups departs for the desert within hours. i sit here in my empty house, hugging a pillow so tight it may just pop out the other side of me. i detest being alone unless it's by my own designs. ten days. ten days. ten days in an empty house. i thought i would cry all the way back from the airport, or when i walked into the hush of my vacant home. but i'm dry eyed and hollow. i'm a shock victim. or perhaps, just perhaps, it's because i keep holding onto words spoken in the hush of the swamp. i recite them like a mantra. i'm not alone. i'm not alone. i'm not alone. and one day, maybe, just maybe there will be someone to hold my hand as the world caves in around me. maybe, just maybe, i won't be alone when it matters most. and right now, maybe is more than i had a day ago. maybe just might be enough.

from the journal of the queen of swords

i swore i'd never be the person who reposted other people's entries, but this is for me and one other:

I'm really wondering if this whole WG thing has caused me to lose two friends. Ever since i left the Rorschach Project, i have heard nothing from them. No livejournal comments, no emails, no phone calls. I haven't even run into them on WOW.
Its been over a month and I wonder if i'm pariah now, or if they've just been busy. I wonder if they haven't called because i haven't called. I don't know what to do. I fear that calling them will just confirm my ostracization. I mean, i guess it's ok if they don't want me in their lives anymore. It just would have been nice to be able to say goodbye.
Maybe i've pissed them off, made enemies of too many of their friends.
Maybe i'm just a social reject.
Whatever the case, i would have been nice to know.
Now i'm in a limbo, and i'm not really sure what to do.
-NM
I Feel...: disappointed

i almost feel guilty now. except that she hasn't left me any comments, emails, or phone calls either. it was her decisions and attitudes that brought her to this place. and then there is the fact that she posted this where i could see it. was it an accident or a passive aggressive ploy? i did see it the moment she posted, and perhaps she has since gone back and changed the security. hard to say. i must admit i find it interesting. i also find the comments she is receiving interesting. i can't help but wonder, does she really mourn the loss of us, or does she just want sympathy and the moral high ground? i wish i knew. it affects whether or not i will bother to respond.

EDIT (one day later): it's still visible, which means she wants me to see it. i've yet to decide whether or not to respond.