the sex i didn't have

i was going to write about the kissing. about how warm he was next to me. how soft the fabric of his shirt was under my fingertips. the taste of his neck beneath my lips. how he felt, pressed tight against his slacks. the feel of his mouth on mine, his tongue teasing my own. how much i wanted. how little he gave. it was a kiss i've waited for, wanted, for so long it's like i dreamed it. so close, yet so far away. and how twisted up i am with longing. i was going to write all about the kiss.

but coming home and finding her high heels by the front door. her car parked in the drive. the house dark, and your door closed. i'm hit between the eyes. her? i never saw it coming. you never liked her. not ever. she vanished off the map after i refused to fuck her. and now you do? you? her?

this house has become consumed with lust and madness.