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the end is the beginning is the end
Sep. 5th, 2006 11:30 pmless than an hour together, but i feel like i lived a lifetime.
walking down an alley, talking in bright tones.
standing on top of a building looking at the moon.
telling him how excited i am for him, and meaning it.
telling him i'm proud of him, and meaning that too.
telling him i love him dearly, and meaning it down to my toes.
walking hand in hand under a tree, shining bright crimson from a sign.
hearing the train whistle and following him down to the tracks.
watching the cars rattle passed, shaking my bones.
kissing him with full abandon for the first time.
watching him run down the street, his silhouette black against the flashing lights.
holding my breath, smiling and crying, as he ran by the cars and caught a ride.
my heart leaping in surprise when he jumped and ran off, stopping at my side.
kisses, light and sweet, and the taste of his neck.
walking arm in arm back to the coffee shop.
holding him for an eternity, both of us clinging onto one another as tightly as we could.
him saying he'll be back soon, very soon, as i smoothed the front of his shirt.
the look in his eyes as we held each others arms and said farewell.
watching him vanish in my rearview as the tears welled up in my eyes.
i'm not as sad as i thought i would be. not by any stretch of the imagination. i don't regret my decision to leave when i did, rather than stay at the coffee shop and linger. it felt right. i'm going to miss him so much, but it can't be helped. it's time for him to go his way and i mine. i hope with all my heart that those two ways meet again soon. i hope he gets what he needs from his trip and i hope that he comes home happy and healthy. it's an ending. things will never be the same after today, never. and that has been scaring me to my core. but without endings you can never have beginnings, and things feel as though they are about to begin anew.
while i dread his absence, and the start of a new job i already loath, there is a freshness to it all. so in the morning i will go to work. i will come home and i will do laundry. i will arrange the shelves he gave me in my room and smile. i will carry on, and continue forward. it will be a new day, with new possibilities to go along with the new losses. so good journey to you my love. my heart goes with you. and good journey to me as well, for i just realized, i'm back on the road.
standing on top of a building looking at the moon.
telling him how excited i am for him, and meaning it.
telling him i'm proud of him, and meaning that too.
telling him i love him dearly, and meaning it down to my toes.
walking hand in hand under a tree, shining bright crimson from a sign.
hearing the train whistle and following him down to the tracks.
watching the cars rattle passed, shaking my bones.
kissing him with full abandon for the first time.
watching him run down the street, his silhouette black against the flashing lights.
holding my breath, smiling and crying, as he ran by the cars and caught a ride.
my heart leaping in surprise when he jumped and ran off, stopping at my side.
kisses, light and sweet, and the taste of his neck.
walking arm in arm back to the coffee shop.
holding him for an eternity, both of us clinging onto one another as tightly as we could.
him saying he'll be back soon, very soon, as i smoothed the front of his shirt.
the look in his eyes as we held each others arms and said farewell.
watching him vanish in my rearview as the tears welled up in my eyes.
i'm not as sad as i thought i would be. not by any stretch of the imagination. i don't regret my decision to leave when i did, rather than stay at the coffee shop and linger. it felt right. i'm going to miss him so much, but it can't be helped. it's time for him to go his way and i mine. i hope with all my heart that those two ways meet again soon. i hope he gets what he needs from his trip and i hope that he comes home happy and healthy. it's an ending. things will never be the same after today, never. and that has been scaring me to my core. but without endings you can never have beginnings, and things feel as though they are about to begin anew.
while i dread his absence, and the start of a new job i already loath, there is a freshness to it all. so in the morning i will go to work. i will come home and i will do laundry. i will arrange the shelves he gave me in my room and smile. i will carry on, and continue forward. it will be a new day, with new possibilities to go along with the new losses. so good journey to you my love. my heart goes with you. and good journey to me as well, for i just realized, i'm back on the road.
