monsters in my closet

i can't continue avoiding going to bed with my new schedule. i'm exhausted. all the time. like now for instance. i intended to go to bed at 2. i was tired. i could have slept. but i've kept myself up for hours avoiding the quiet moment i turn out my light. in fact, i'm doing it right now. it's the moments before sleep, when i'm alone with my thoughts, that i'm the most unhappy.

i need to get over this. i really really need to stop being such a train wreck. it's havoc on me, my health, and my friends. i keep thinking i just need more time, but it's been ages. i want to go to sleep feeling content and happy. i want to be at peace in the solitude of predawn the way i used to be. i want to shake this soul sucking anxiety. i want to be myself again.