equinox

i've lit my room by candlelight for the first time in months. the heater is pinging and breathing through the vent in the floor. leaves are changing. the quality of the air has become chill and slightly damp. the scent of dying plants accompanies the decay of the color green. she's here. autumn. and i find myself ready for her.

i worry about the coming challenges of this fall, but i also thrill at them. i mourn the loss of summer, sunlight, warmth, and freedom. but i'm excited to think of hot chocolate warming my hands on a cold day, the soft warmth of jackets & scarves pulled close, crisp snow piling in sparkling dunes, hot apple pies bubbling with cinnamon, winter branches against white skies, Halloween, NaNo, and the hush that comes with the winding down of days.

i'm ready. and as flames flicker and cast interesting shadows across my walls i feel a sense of calm. perhaps i can do this. perhaps all i needed was the reassurance of colder weather and the reminder of leaves under my boots. perhaps i just needed to feel time hanging in perfect balance, neither summer, nor winter. day nor night. perhaps i've just been waiting all this time for my season, this season of death and change, to feel my roots beneath me, dug deep, and strong, and vital.