pre-test jitters
Dec. 12th, 2007 11:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
notesinbluei'm nervous about tomorrow. i'm afraid i won't remember anything for my theory exam, or that the bulk of western lit will be on the one book i didn't get finished. i'm worried as hell about snow. or not making it to the tests. or not being able to make it home afterward. and i'm worried the emperor might crop up, or something else equally distressing and distracting will happen. i'm just...stressed. and at the same time a little excited. i'll have a month off to relax and unwind after this. yet, i'm already worrying about next semester and i haven't even finished this one yet. oy vey. i really need to get my anxiety under control.
i didn't used to be like this. i hate that i worry all the time, and that i get these waves of uncontrollable panic and dread. it's obviously physiological, a trained response. i'm like a lab rat that's been shocked so many times it freaks out if anything even remotely reminds it of that buzzer. i'm looking forward to trying out the EMDR on friday and i have high hopes it will help. i just want to be myself again. not this abused wreck that he left behind. i was always such an optimistic and mellow soul. i want that back. i need it back. but in the meantime, exams.
one way or the other the semester ends tomorrow, and that's at least a relief. and tomorrow night there's a new episode of Supernatural. so there's that to look forward to. i'll be taking my lit final while it airs, but that's what the DVR is for. friday i can chill out and watch it in my pjs if i want. and take a bath. and bake brownies. and read something someone didn't assign me. and watch PotC3. and snuggle my dogs. or all of the above, or some combo thereof. or something else entirely. whatever i want. but i'm sure Dean and Sam will work into it somehow, 'cause what a good way to kick off break. yee-ha.
i didn't used to be like this. i hate that i worry all the time, and that i get these waves of uncontrollable panic and dread. it's obviously physiological, a trained response. i'm like a lab rat that's been shocked so many times it freaks out if anything even remotely reminds it of that buzzer. i'm looking forward to trying out the EMDR on friday and i have high hopes it will help. i just want to be myself again. not this abused wreck that he left behind. i was always such an optimistic and mellow soul. i want that back. i need it back. but in the meantime, exams.
one way or the other the semester ends tomorrow, and that's at least a relief. and tomorrow night there's a new episode of Supernatural. so there's that to look forward to. i'll be taking my lit final while it airs, but that's what the DVR is for. friday i can chill out and watch it in my pjs if i want. and take a bath. and bake brownies. and read something someone didn't assign me. and watch PotC3. and snuggle my dogs. or all of the above, or some combo thereof. or something else entirely. whatever i want. but i'm sure Dean and Sam will work into it somehow, 'cause what a good way to kick off break. yee-ha.
