devil in a blue dress

a stranger sent me music today, and it just so happens to make the exact same sound as my heart. it's perfect. that kind of synchronicity doesn't roll around very often. remind me to actually call this girl for coffee, 'cause if a random gift doesn't merit a call all on its own, a well timed psychic one sure as hell does.

i give to you lyrics (as best as i can figure). it's much better with the sultry woman singing and the smokey piano, but hey, you do what you can.

if i died in your arms
oh you know that i give you my heart
even if it's torn apart
'cause i've come too far to be scared
and i don't regret what we've shared.

but you know that i love you for good
and i love you much more than i should
and i can't help but cry when you're so far away
but i smile, 'cause i hope that, you'll be back one day.

(chorus)
if i died in your arms
would you then give me your love?
would you tell me, that you need me,
and that i was the one?

now there's nothing i can say to you
to make you feel the same way too
when you walk away i just want to die
and i try not to break down and cry.

but you know that i love you this way
enough to let go and let you walk away
now maybe you'll come back, and maybe you won't
but when you're, not with me, i feel so alone.

(chorus x2)

now there's one thing i need you to know
'cause you think that you just know me so
that i'll be there if you ask me too
oh no, if you only knew.

that i love you so much that it hurts
but broken i feel so much worse
you do what you want 'cause i gave you my best
and you know something, if you ask me, i would say yes.

(chorus x2)
would you tell me that you need me, that i was the one?

shell

i've been through the demise of a ten year marriage, and i can honestly say that i've never felt as hollow and dead inside as i do now. it never occurred to me that when i tore my heart out, and put it on the table, that the absence of that spark would leave me an empty shell. i'm not suicidal. that would imply there was something left to end. i am, quite simply, already completely dead. i wonder if anyone will even notice.