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endings and beginnings
May. 8th, 2007 10:44 pmhe's back.
i got a call from him when i was taking my am. lit. final and i almost peed my pants i was so excited. compared to the last few days i felt like today was a gold star day. i weighed in at 139.5 lbs this morning. i'm sure it's a fluke, but i haven't been under 140 in so long. and then there was the relief of finishing my big paper and exam. and i just felt...great. the message from him saying he was back pushed me over an edge into yee-haw land. the icing on the cake. i was so giddy i was shaking.
i called him back right away but there was no answer. so i waited, hoping he'd call before i went back home. i putzed around and then decided i was being silly. i drove home, checking my phone intermittently. nothing. i kept my phone in my hand most of my drive home, and on my bed next to me once i got here. i was so thrilled. but the hours passed. three hours later he finally called me back. and after talking to him i feel hollow.
i don't know why. nothing important was said. except at one point he mentioned he'd be staying "at J's house for a couple nights". my stomach fell out. even now the words make me pull a face and feel ill. that was definitely what made the sick feeling come up, but i felt hollow even before that. there was a distance, something clinging in the air, and it wasn't a good something. i just, don't know. i was so excited, and now...
i need to write my paper and get some sleep. my last final is in less than ten hours. i'm supposed to call him when i get out. this was supposed to be a happy post. i feel ill.
i got a call from him when i was taking my am. lit. final and i almost peed my pants i was so excited. compared to the last few days i felt like today was a gold star day. i weighed in at 139.5 lbs this morning. i'm sure it's a fluke, but i haven't been under 140 in so long. and then there was the relief of finishing my big paper and exam. and i just felt...great. the message from him saying he was back pushed me over an edge into yee-haw land. the icing on the cake. i was so giddy i was shaking.
i called him back right away but there was no answer. so i waited, hoping he'd call before i went back home. i putzed around and then decided i was being silly. i drove home, checking my phone intermittently. nothing. i kept my phone in my hand most of my drive home, and on my bed next to me once i got here. i was so thrilled. but the hours passed. three hours later he finally called me back. and after talking to him i feel hollow.
i don't know why. nothing important was said. except at one point he mentioned he'd be staying "at J's house for a couple nights". my stomach fell out. even now the words make me pull a face and feel ill. that was definitely what made the sick feeling come up, but i felt hollow even before that. there was a distance, something clinging in the air, and it wasn't a good something. i just, don't know. i was so excited, and now...
i need to write my paper and get some sleep. my last final is in less than ten hours. i'm supposed to call him when i get out. this was supposed to be a happy post. i feel ill.
